It’s July 4th – the day that we Americans celebrate our nation’s Independence Day, so let’s have some fun today, ladies and gents. The wife and I are vacationing in Baja, California at the moment enjoying some time on the beach. Woohoo for vacations!
In the spirit of the ol’ Jeff Foxworthy “You might be a redneck” skits, I’m going to bring that concept over to personal finance and early retirement to see just how badly I can butcher what should be a fun way to determine whether or not you are ready to call it quits.
Warning: Jeff Foxworthy was funny. I, however, am not. I try to be, but my wife usually just looks over at me and smiles with that, “Gawd you’re an idiot” look on her face. I have grown accustomed to that look.
But hell, screw it – I’m doing this anyway. And so, let’s begin.
You might be ready to retire if…
- Your definition of splurging on entertainment includes an extra round of mini-golf at your local putt-putt panorama
- You refuse to bathe everyday…not because you can’t afford it, but because you passed your rigorous self-imposed sniff test
- You apply that same sniff test to your clothes, but interestingly draw the line at socks and underwear
- Your idea of “gift giving” is a 30-minute rant about a political topic of the other person’s choice
- You make a lunch out of trollin’ through Costco and helping yourself to their samples; one for you, and one for that imaginary friend behind you
- You buy those two-ply toilet paper rolls and take the time to separate each ply out into separate rolls; a free roll of TP with every purchase? Score!
- Toilet paper? What in the hell is toilet paper?
- You find a corporate sponsor for your freakin’ expensive wedding (believe it not, this happens)
- You can be seen running out of restaurants with sugar and ketchup packets under your shirt ’cause, well, you’ll probably make better use out of those than the restaurant; oh, and the pen, too; and the coffee mug
- If it’s yellow, let it mellow…if it’s brown, flush it down…umm, yeah, moving right along!
- When faced with a choice between spending money on a new television or cell phone, you instead ask “Screw you. Why are these my choices”?
- You don’t believe that you’re the “cock of the walk”, or the “bee’s knees” of a society who should feel honored in your presence; instead, you realize that the way to get ahead is to provide something of value to society
- You think of your budget as limits on what you CAN spend rather than what you SHOULD spend
- You blog online and shamelessly share with others your net worth and saving habits!
What do you think? You might be ready to retire if…?
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