It's July 4th! And you might be ready to retire if...

    How to Think

    It's July 4th! And you might be ready to retire if...

    It's July 4th! And you might be ready to retire if...
    It's July 4th - the day that we Americans celebrate our nation's Independence Day, so let's have some fun today, ladies and gents. The wife and I are vacationing in Baja, California at the moment enjoying some time on the beach. Woohoo for vacations!
    American flag on the beach

    In the spirit of the ol' Jeff Foxworthy "You might be a redneck" skits, I'm going to bring that concept over to personal finance and early retirement to see just how badly I can butcher what should be a fun way to determine whether or not you are ready to call it quits.

    Warning: Jeff Foxworthy was funny.  I, however, am not.  I try to be, but my wife usually just looks over at me and smiles with that, "Gawd you're an idiot" look on her face.  I have grown accustomed to that look.

    But hell, screw it - I'm doing this anyway.  And so, let's begin.

    You might be ready to retire if...

    • Your definition of splurging on entertainment includes an extra round of mini-golf at your local putt-putt panorama
    • You refuse to bathe everyday...not because you can't afford it, but because you passed your rigorous self-imposed sniff test
    • You apply that same sniff test to your clothes, but interestingly draw the line at socks and underwear
    • Your idea of "gift giving" is a 30-minute rant about a political topic of the other person's choice
    • You make a lunch out of trollin' through Costco and helping yourself to their samples; one for you, and one for that imaginary friend behind you
    • You buy those two-ply toilet paper rolls and take the time to separate each ply out into separate rolls; a free roll of TP with every purchase?  Score!
    • Toilet paper?  What in the hell is toilet paper?
    • You find a corporate sponsor for your freakin' expensive wedding (believe it not, this happens)
    • You can be seen running out of restaurants with sugar and ketchup packets under your shirt 'cause, well, you'll probably make better use out of those than the restaurant; oh, and the pen, too; and the coffee mug
    • If it's yellow, let it mellow...if it's brown, flush it down...umm, yeah, moving right along!
    • When faced with a choice between spending money on a new television or cell phone, you instead ask "Screw you.  Why are these my choices"?
    • You don't believe that you're the "cock of the walk", or the "bee's knees" of a society who should feel honored in your presence; instead, you realize that the way to get ahead is to provide something of value to society
    • You think of your budget as limits on what you CAN spend rather than what you SHOULD spend
    • You blog online and shamelessly share with others your net worth and saving habits!

    What do you think?  You might be ready to retire if...?


    Steve Adcock
    Steve is a 38-year-old early retiree who writes about the intersection of happiness and financial independence. Steve is a regular contributor to MarketWatch, CNBC, and The Ladders. He lives full-time in his 30' Airstream Classic and travels the country with his wife Courtney and two rescued dogs.